A Biblical Way to Talk About Equality, Authority, and the Family

My aim in this piece is not to defend a camp, win a debate, or reopen old wounds. It is to offer a clearer way of understanding what Scripture is actually doing—one that honors the full dignity of men and women.

The framework you are about to read—Agency, Role, and Responsibility—has grown out of years of study, prayer, pastoral listening, and hard conversations. It does not require theological leaps. It simply asks us to keep distinct what Scripture keeps distinct, and to stop asking any one concept to carry more weight than it was meant to bear.

Our hope at UFlourish Church is not just to be biblically accurate, but biblically faithful—forming communities where truth is spoken in love, power is exercised with restraint, and every person’s God-given agency is protected.

With that spirit, I invite you to read on.

— Dr. Kurt Owens Lead Pastor, UFlourish Church

Agency, Role, and Responsibility

For many people in the church, words like authority, submission, and headship are not neutral. They come with stories—some beautiful, some painful. For others, these words feel confusing or outdated, especially in a culture that equates equality with sameness.

Over time, two dominant approaches—complementarianism and egalitarianism—have attempted to resolve this tension. Both are often motivated by sincere desires to honor Scripture. And yet, many believers find themselves unsatisfied by either option, sensing that something important is missing.

As a church, we want to be faithful to Scripture and attentive to people’s real experiences. That requires careful listening, humility, and clarity—especially about the categories Scripture itself uses.

Three Biblical Categories We Need to Keep Distinct

The Bible consistently works with three different realities:

1. Agency – who we are as people

2. Role – how we are positioned in a relationship

3. Responsibility – what we are accountable for

Much of the tension around equality and authority arises when these categories are collapsed or unevenly emphasized.

1. Agency: Who We Are Before God

Agency refers to our personhood:

• Being made in the image of God

• Having moral responsibility before Him

• Possessing dignity, voice, and worth

Scripture is clear:

“So God created mankind in his own image… male and female he created them.”(Genesis 1:27)

Men and women share equal agency:

• Equal value

• Equal access to God

• Equal standing in Christ

Paul affirms this directly:

“There is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”(Galatians 3:28)

Agency is where biblical equality lives. It is permanent and non-negotiable.

Where the Frameworks Fall Short

• Egalitarianism rightly emphasizes agency and equality, but often treats any differentiation of role or responsibility as a threat to agency.

• Complementarianism rightly affirms difference, but has sometimes spoken about roles in ways that unintentionally blur agency, making it feel as though authority belongs to a person rather than to a responsibility.

Scripture does neither. Agency is never reduced—and difference is never erased.

2. Role: How We Relate to One Another

Roles describe relational positioning.

“Husband” and “wife” are already role words. So are “father,” “mother,” “child,” “elder,” and “member.”

Roles are:

• Real

• Relational

• Different

• Not interchangeable

Different roles do not imply different worth. Scripture never treats roles as a hierarchy of value.

Where the Frameworks Fall Short

• Egalitarianism often resolves the discomfort around authority by minimizing or flattening roles, effectively treating them as interchangeable.

• Complementarianism often preserves roles but struggles to articulate why those roles exist beyond appeal to gender, leaving room for them to be misunderstood as status distinctions.

Scripture treats roles as functional, not ontological. They answer the question: How is love ordered in this relationship?—not Who matters more?

3. Responsibility: What God Holds Us Accountable For

Responsibility answers the question:

What has God entrusted to me?

This is where authority belongs.

In Scripture:

• Authority is always tied to responsibility

• Responsibility always increases accountability

• Authority is never grounded in superiority

Authority is attached to responsibility, not to agency.

Where the Frameworks Fall Short

• Complementarianism has often spoken of authority as something a husband has, rather than something he bears, unintentionally separating authority from accountability.

• Egalitarianism, wary of abuse, often removes authority altogether rather than relocating it properly within responsibility.

Scripture does not eliminate authority—it redefines it as a burden, not a privilege.

Genesis 2 and 3: Design and Distortion

Genesis 2: Ordered Responsibility

Before sin enters the story:

• Both man and woman bear God’s image

• Both possess full agency

• Adam is given the command concerning the garden

• Eve is created as a strong, corresponding partner

Adam’s position involves primary responsibility, not superiority.

Genesis 3: What Goes Wrong

The fall does not erase equality or roles—it distorts responsibility.

• Adam abdicates responsibility

• Authority collapses into passivity

• Power reappears as domination

Genesis 3:16 describes the result, not the design:

• Rule becomes coercive

• Desire becomes controlling

This is the broken pattern both egalitarianism and complementarianism are trying—often unsuccessfully—to correct.

Paul’s Teaching in Ephesians 5–6

Paul restores the original structure under Christ.

He begins with shared agency:

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (5:21)

He names roles:

• Wives as wives

• Husbands as husbands

He assigns responsibility:

• Husbands are accountable to love sacrificially

• Authority is expressed through self-giving

Paul does not locate authority in maleness, nor does he dissolve it in sameness. He anchors it in Christlike responsibility.

Colossians 3:18–25 — Authority With Weight

Paul repeats the pattern:

• Wives / husbands

• Children / fathers

• Slaves / masters

In every case, Paul presses hardest on the one with greater responsibility.

This is why authority in Scripture is never unchecked—and why abuse is always a violation, not a fulfillment, of biblical teaching.

Why This Matters for the Church

Many people reject these texts not because they reject Scripture, but because they have been offered incomplete frameworks:

• Equality without order

• Order without accountability

This threefold distinction allows us to name past harm honestly while refusing to abandon biblical truth.

A Clear Summary

The Bible teaches:

• Agency is equal and permanent

• Roles are different and relational

• Responsibility is asymmetrical and accountable

Authority belongs to responsibility—not to gender, strength, or status.

When responsibility is exercised faithfully, agency is protected, not diminished.

Short FAQ

Is this complementarianism or egalitarianism?

Neither, exactly. It affirms truths both emphasize, while refusing to collapse agency, role, and responsibility into a single category.

Does this mean men are more important?

No. Responsibility increases accountability, not worth.

Does submission erase agency?

No. Biblical submission presumes agency and choice. Coerced submission is not biblical.

Has Scripture been misused in the past?

Yes. And misuse is a reason for clearer teaching, not for abandoning Scripture.

What happens when responsibility is abused?

Abuse forfeits moral authority. Scripture never commands submission to sin or harm.

Why teach this now?

Because the church needs a way forward that is faithful, careful, and healing—without choosing between false alternatives.